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Be a sucess, even without a father

10th April 2015

We all hear the chatter, read the “research” and unfortunately the headlines;

Growing up without a father could permanently alter the structure of the brain and produce children who are more aggressive and angry, scientists have warned.

Children brought up only by a single mother have a higher risk of developing ‘deviant behaviour’, including drug abuse, new research suggests.

More than 1million children in the UK currently have no contact with their father while they are growing up, a figure that is growing by 20,000 a year. If the research is to be believed then the future looks grim, but it is possible there might be a few that manage to slip the net, quite possibly successful?

A child’s blueprint has the potential to create patterns; we hear endless chatter about cycles of fatherless fathers. We often witness harsh judgment too.

Times are changing, choices are different and more available, growing up in a single parent household today does not necessarily mean that a child is more likely to live closer to the poverty line. However a single parent that is trying to make ends meet has a particularly difficult job without the additional problems and concerns they are led to believe about their fatherless children.

John Lennon, Eric Clapton, Pierce Brosnan, Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Samuel L Jackson, Halle Berry, Mary J Blige... even Barack Obama; all examples of people who had fathers that abandoned them. Let’s add to this, Bill Clinton, Tom Cruise, Madonna, Paul McCartney, Eddie Murphy, Ronaldinho, Orson Wells, who all lost their fathers at a young age.

In a candid interview Barack Obama opened up about the absence of his father as he was growing up, he said
“I never really knew my father; I was raised by two wonderful grandparents. But I still wish I had a dad who was not only around, but involved, another role model. That’s why I try to be, for Michelle and my girls, what my father was not for my mother and me”

So did Barack slip the net?

Patterns can change. If a fatherless boy that is written off can beat the headlines then what does that mean? One possibility highlights the lack of resource we assume our young fatherless men have within themselves.

A fatherless boy can perhaps learn from his experience, recognise the difference between a father and a dad (the name has to be earned). Learn that he has to be relatively self sufficient and capture his dreams himself, learn resilience. Grow mental strength; a man who is not afraid of responsibility is a courageous man who stands up for the weak, stands up for what he believes in, faces fear, failure and criticism. A fatherless boy can succeed in having a happy and fulfilled life!

I found a very interesting discussion about Jay-Z, a very successful American rapper, married to Beyonce. One of Jay-Z’s albums touched on the sensitive issue of becoming a parent despite not having a father figure. Be warned...some strong language!