3 common confidence myths that might be holding you back

Confidence is a topic that comes up often – both in the therapeutic space and outside – and can feel hard to achieve and hold onto. Just like learning an instrument, taking up a sport, or practicing a new language, confidence a skill like any other! Here are some commonly held myths about confidence that may be holding you back from trying something new.

1)      You have to feel confident before you take action

If you wait for confidence to come to you, you may find it never arrives. That’s because confidence does not come before action; instead, it is a byproduct of success. When we try something new – be that public speaking or a new sport – it’s understandable we don’t yet feel confident given our lack of experience. Taking small, achievable steps towards our new goal results in a sense of competence, which over time, develops into confidence.

2)      Confidence is the absence of fear

It’s normal for confidence to waver and to experience feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, or fear. Building confidence involves acknowledging and stepping into the fear and trying anyway. The courage of sitting with the unknown in this way helps to build confidence from the ground up. If there is an absence of fear, it’s likely we are sitting in our comfort zone. If we are able to step outside of that – into our stretch zone – we are working on building self-confidence.

3)      Confidence is motivated by self-criticism

Using negative self-talk as a motivator can be a method ingrained from a young age – be that through the schooling system or demanding caregivers – and can result in phrases such as ‘I should be doing better’ or ‘this isn’t good enough’. However research shows self-criticism can result in quitting early or not trying something new to avoid the internalised shame of a setback. More helpful is cultivating self-compassion – being kind and understanding towards yourself regardless of the result – as a key to growing resilience as well as self-confidence.